Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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