I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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