Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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