Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
