I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pooping to opera.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
