did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
