So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
