We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
