Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
