so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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