Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
