You smell like stripper and shame
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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