You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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