you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
