I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
