Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize