Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
