Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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