there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
is that a dick in a sweater?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
