first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want to fling myself into the sun
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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