Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize