scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
