Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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