i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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