is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
