I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize