But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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