this beer tastes like vomit already
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
