It's Friday. Sex?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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