She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You need a sexual gate keeper
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
