why didn't you poke me back
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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