I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
