member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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