one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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