Apparently you make a good broom.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
