My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize