I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
