no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
