She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
