No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
