Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
