If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
