Where is the hickey?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
