Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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