Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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