chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
