I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
