He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
