Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
