I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
