Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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