What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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