I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
