A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
