2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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