I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
