She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
