its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
