New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
