Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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