You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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