I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
