I will probably be peed on at some point today.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
