Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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