dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
