How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
