Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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