Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize
