I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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