mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
