it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
