He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
