um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
