i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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