oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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