Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
