Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
