did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
