I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
