When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
