Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
