Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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