not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
