Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
