I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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