Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize