he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
