In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
