The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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