the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
