So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
