My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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