really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
