I wannas sexs uuuuu
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
