Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
