The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
