peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
