I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
