Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
whose ass print is on the piano?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
