He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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