Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sext me about skeletons
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
