Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
